Here's to you, Life.....thanks a lot.

I want to thank a very special embodiment of power and spiritual hope today.

I want to thank... life ...(that's right, LIFE, not the magazine and not the cereal)...for kicking the living shit out of me-- whether I'm down or up-- and continuing to toss me more than my share of bad luck.

I know I've done bad shit in my past, but haven't we all, life? There's an old saying that goes "Behind every person lies enough sorrow and suffering to disarm all hostility forever."

For those that don't know, I have officially been diagnosed with influenza, diabetes and a heart murmur in one day. Oh, and in spite of the heavy doses of beta blockers I'm taking, my hyptertension is 'no longer in control'. Oh, and I get an electrocardiogram on Wednesday to determine if there are 'additional problems' with my heart.

Fucking wonderful. I couldn't ask for more.

I kept telling and telling people. My parents, my wife, my friends....and not a single one of them listened to me. No one listens to someone who has a sixth sense about such things. I tried to go to the E.R. last week, and let myself be convinced by my wife nothing was wrong.

Now something is very wrong. I'm probably going to lose my job over all of these absences I've had. Stress, tension, all from WANTING to DO a good job and be the person I used to be, coming back onto the job scene after a year and a half of being sedentary...hard hours...trying so hard...it all contributed to the stress that led to these problems.

That was the last time I listen to anyone. Because I don't trust you, life. Why should I? You've given me no reason to, you and your buddy 'Fate'.

Thanks, life. You were always there for me when I needed you the most. Now you just made me look like a fucking idiot following a promotion. Why do you always punish me after something good happens, huh? You've ALWAYS done that without fail. That's why I don't like very good things headed my way, because you always throw in something equally worse to go with it.

Why don't you just kill me and get it over with? You must like fucking with me that much.

Maybe there is no higher power at all...but if there is, I have a strong sensation that if there is in fact a God, or maybe even a guardian angel out there watching over me...it enjoys watching me suffer.

The tears are coming, and I cannot stop them, so I am ending this here. I've had enough. Fuck all of this. Call me childish for writing this, I don't care. Fuck you if you don't like it.