1. I will scalp the next person who says "tis the season".
2. Frost is exactly like snow only completely different and ruins everything.
3. There's nothing like a head cold to ring in the holidays.
4. "America's Favorite ________ since __19_______" is not an acceptable reason to buy anything, considering that America isn't particularly known for her good taste.
5. Fuck irony and where's the TheraFlu?
6. Diamonds are the most socially irresponsible gemstone you can buy and what better time to economically rape Africa than the occasion of your Savior's birth?
7. Nobody likes Sara Lee... she's fattening, overpriced and tastes like plastic.
8. You know those Christmas lights that are supposed to look like icicles? They don't: they look like your roof had one too many hot toddies at the company party and barfed on itself. All your houses look exactly the same, and for fuckssake...this is TEXAS.
9. Pope Benedict XVI frightens me. there is no way that man is infallible. He looks like Karen Black from the Trilogy of Terror. Those teeth...
10. Twisted Sister and Billy Idol both released Christmas albums this year. because the holidays aren't horrifying enough without the man who sang the ultra-creepy "[Rock The] Cradle of Love" now attempting to entertain your children with his original and destined-to-be-a-classic "Yellin' At The Christmas Tree", (which includes the line, "...He's Yellin' At The Christmas Tree, and Santa's Balls Are Jingling".) Nice. Reeeal nice.
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
About Me
- SimonZealotes
- Read my blog. Ok, ok. 33 years old, twice divorced, one kid from a previous marriage, and one cat that drives me up the wall. I'm currently working my way through college, where I plan to get my BA in Music Business, and then my Master's in Composition after. I have been a musician as long as I can remember, but my parents did their best to stop me from becoming a professional musician. Oh, and I have yet to meet a woman that isn't a flaky bitch.
No comments:
Post a Comment