Friendship Follies

Hmmm, what to say this week.

Oh, I know.

Do you ever find it funny how people whose lives are just so fucking peachy tend to be holier-than-thou about it when preaching to you about how to live your life and 'get over' your own problems?

I call these people 'ivory tower' people. They're so ready to judge you because golly gee whooptie dingle fuck, they've suddenly achieved something in their own life that you haven't... so as an 'intended' gesture of 'kindness', they begin rambling to you about how 'wrong' you are in your thinking and in living your life. Buy a car, a house, have a kid or two, and all of a sudden you too can be a judge.

It isn't as if you ever solicit these opinions from the ivory tower types, of course. Sometimes you may even be envious of what they have, but it is just a passing emotion. Most of the time you want people to just listen to you. But no, if they have it better than you, they feel the need to be PH.D.'s in fucking psychology. Oh, and if they're fundamentalist Xtians, you get an even bigger bonus of preaching. All of it is tantamount to telling you how to live your life.

But here's what gets me. It's when your own path in life may differ radically from their own, and their advice may indeed NOT be the answer you're searching for. Human nature and common sense tends to dictate that if we ever feel friendly advice is a good idea or not, so we either do it or do not. But back to the real barn-burner -- the ivory tower folks get SO upset if you either turn away their advice, say to them "I appreciate the advice, but I don't think I can do that", etc. It's suddenly their way or the highway, since they've taken the time to listen to you they think they suddenly own a piece of your godamn life and want you to abide by their rules. This is not the hallmark of a good friend, and that is dumbing it down as politely as possible.

Another good example of a personality like the one I am describing above -- you've probably known at least one friend like this in your lifetime, or known of one -- someone who goes on a major diet and suddenly loses a LOT of weight (50 pounds or greater), then they become the most annoying, pompous, self-righteous people you know.

I guess it goes back to one of my old addages -- which even though I made it up myself, is probably not original, it's common sense -- "There is a fine line between confidence and arrogance."

One of my closest friends tends to just listen, then say, "I'm sorry" or "I wish I knew what to tell you". Most ivory tower people do not understand that something along the lines of those two statements is usually more than enough.

No one can live my life for me. I do have my share of problems, but ... most of the time it's just comforting for someone else to listen, and hear me out. Nothing more. They can't absolve me from debt, improve my marriage, send me back to school or anything else. Only I can do that to my satisfaction.

If I ever forget where I came from, or those less fortunate than me in being judgmental of those who don't have it in life as good as I do in the future, I will simply just ask someone to shoot me and put me out of my misery.