It’s hard not to be jaded, and it’s hard not to be upset, and it’s very easy to forget the rest of the world and the people who care for you when you’re so stupid that you get so wrapped up in yourself and forget those who DO care about you.
I am speaking of my friends, two of whom are VERY irreplaceable people in my life, and whom I have hurt in the past 24 hours with my raving divorce bullshit.
Words cannot express how deeply sorry and upset I am that all my ranting and bellyaching and fucking crap has harmed you. There’s only so much a friend can take, and I’ve pushed you both over the edge, and I’m not just sorry, I’m wishing I could just have had the foresight to keep my idiot mouth shut, and take back what I said.
I’m a miserable shit, and I throw myself at your mercy, which I don’t deserve, and beg you to forgive me. I’m nothing but a whiny assed loser right now.
But I need you – both of you – and though the current pain in my life is bad, it hurts worse to be shut out by you.
Please... I’m very sorry, I’m not myself right now, and I pathetically and humbly ask you to forgive me. I thank you for every kindness you’ve shown me at this time in my life, and want you to know you are loved and appreciated beyond words…I cherish you and don’t want to lose you, ever.
I have no excuse for my actions. I am ready to learn from it and move forward, but I’d rather move on with both of you still my deeply caring friends rather than not in my life at all…that I couldn’t take. Please forgive my blindness in not being able to see that I was constantly dragging you down with me and moronically and selfishly didn’t think once to show you just how much I appreciated every single thing you've done for me.
I’m going to go now and reflect upon what I have done, and what I can do to make things better. Please don’t hate me forever.
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