Some people like to enjoy every aspect of the food when they eat out. I'm one of those people, so I can't fault people for it. Everything from salads to appetizers to the main dish to dessert...hell, I don't bother with a full service restaurant if I'm not going to enjoy it.
But the very people who don't enjoy the experience of eating out seem to be the same people that always buy you lunch, or dinner. And what's worse is it's usually in a situation where you have to act like you appreciate their hospitality, whether you really do or don't care either way.
I've had this happen to me many times in the past. One such occassion was a particular deposition company I used to work with, with my ex-wife. We always went to this same little hole-in-the-wall Mexican joint up the street from where we worked in Northwestern Garland. Not too shabby for cheap mexican food and full service. But because of what she did during these lunches always made me want to rethink doing it, or offering to pay for our own, which I could never do, as it would look like an insult. And we couldn't go anywhere else, this was our monthly work status-of-the-Mom-and-Pop-company meeting, so we had to act like team players.
Naturally, the owner would take her sweet time, as well as her two buddies that helped her run the company, and by the time we all finally got out of the damn office it was at least 1p.m. in the afternoon. By this point, well, you get the idea. It's been awhile since breakfast. If you're talking mexican, I'm drooling for friggin fajitas. Yes, one of the more expensive mexican food items. The kind of dish that's brought to you sizzling in the very mini-skillet it's cooked in.
What's the first thing she does when we all sit down? She flips the menu over, and proceeds with her little 'warning' speech.
"Oh, the lunch specials look really good."
God. Damnit.
Why do people do this? I don't know why I find it so offensive, as I'm perfectly capable of taking care of my own tab if I want something better than what she's willing to spend. But, I learned with her, the hard way, you just don't bring it up. People just get petered out if you screw with their hospitality and reject it. I find it ridiculous. So, I learned to live with it, grudgingly, and just tank up on corn chips as much as I could, and wait for my wholly unsatisfying one-enchilada plate to be brought to me.
We didn't always go to the mexican joint, either. Our 'holiday' lunch that year we went to Red Lobster, and after being screwed over and waiting an hour after our order got lost in the kitchen and getting the food for free, I found it ironic that she pulled that little warning speech about the lunch specials out of her ass.
Moving forward to today, there are still people that do this to me. My obnoxiously liberal grandmother-in-law is another person. Considering the fuss this woman makes over dinner when she cooks it at home, and the fuss she makes over whether or not you got enough to eat at her house, one would think she would have the same attitude whenever she invites my wife and I to eat at some semi-decent joint (like Red Lobster again).
Nope. Same nonsense. Only I'm not told this time, not in any direct way. But, I'm also a little better at this game than I used to be. I wait for everyone else to decide what they want, so I keep things firmly in the same price range, or below it.
What do I WANT from the menu, you may ask? Usually, the Ultimate Feast is good enough, I go for the plates that have enough food on them to where you leave stuffed and have leftover, and that have a lot of food for as much value as possible.
But instead, I get this crappy hand-sized hunk of fish with some slimy lobster sauce slathered on top of it instead of the damned lobster tail that I wanted. Again, can't say anything. Don't want to impede upon the meal-giver's hospitality.
When I was growing up, Mom would always let me get whatever I wanted. She was never picky about what I ate, and that's what made eating out fun. Order what you want. But Mom knew better than to take me to a place like Red Lobster (which was a LOT more expensive proportionally when I was a kid), she took me to places that she knew she could afford anything on the menu.
People just get so freaked out if you're the person who orders the 11.95 item on the menu when everyone else is ordering the 9.95 item(s). Why? You want the extra 2 bucks for it? Here, I'll pay you right now, SHEESH. Christ.......can I bitch at you if I take you out? Ironically, people like this don't want you to buy them lunch or dinner, probably so they can hold it over your head later in life that a.) you made a 'pig' out of yourself everytime you went to
And the two above mentioned ladies (ex-boss and grandmother-in-law) are not the only ones I have run into this situation with. I have been bought lunch by several other Food Nazis in similar situations, just not as regularly.
Bottom line...if you wanna do lunch, I'm always down with it. Just let me order my own if you're a douchebag with your money. There is NOTHING wrong with split checks, I've done that with friends all the damn time. Or, if you literally have a limited amount of money on you (i.e., we're going to Bennigan's and you say "I've only got 16 bucks to my name until...") , then just TELL me that. I don't like playing dance-around-the-menu games with your ass. When it's time to eat, it's time to eat. Eating is one of the few pleasures in life most of us can afford in this country. Let us order what we want, and STFU about the money, whether you're buying or not.
